Increasing distance?

I've been struggling with the notion of increasing my run distance. I'm really afraid of it more than anything. Afraid of feeling increased pain in the same areas or some fresh new twang of discomfort never felt before. I've been thinking about it the last four or five days and been nervous about it so I've only been running for fifteen minutes here and there. Finally today I got the guts to sort of go for it, at a controlled pace, definitely slower than I've been running lately, and I think it went pretty well. There's no telling right now. I'll have to see how I feel the next few days. 

I ended up doing 4.7 miles at about 7:10 average after a full warmup/stretching routine. Currently I feel a little soreness on my surgical side right where the scar is but I'm not overly concerned yet. Better be sure I'll be obsessing about how it feels all day today and tomorrow! I'll check back in hopefully with some good news. For what it's worth it felt awesome to get out there and run with very little pain. The soreness always comes later. 

AH

Freshness

Really happy I took the day off yesterday. I felt fresh and a lot better this morning when I woke up. My left adductor was a little tight yesterday and I can still feel the lingering effects, but overall it's feeling much much better. It didn't make sense to push it yesterday and try and run.

Because of that, I put together a solid effort today-- 25 minutes, covered 3.9 miles for a 6:36 average. Beautiful morning for a run, still moderately cool with a slight breeze. A tiny bit chilly at first with shorts and tee shirt but within a couple minutes it was perfect. I felt smooth and in control. No noticeable pain on my surgical side. Right side got a little bit tight later in the run, but again it felt more like a cramp and general muscle tightness higher up above my hip than anything reminiscent of a sports hernia. This is very encouraging, assuming my body won't revolt on me again and feel awful in the next day or so. The reality is I've been here before-- feeling good coming off a semi-breakthrough run, only to have the next few days feel like I set myself back. I don't know how many more of those setbacks I can handle at this point, but I'm hopeful that I'll be ok as the next couple days unfold. If I feel good to run tomorrow, no doubt I should slow myself down and take things a little easier. I'd be asking for it.

For now I'm just glad to be riding the good vibes from this run. I hope it lasts!

AH

Day off and plan for the week

So I ended up deciding to take the day off and focus on a quick hip exercise routine. I also felt like having a chill morning and figured that I've run each of the past 6 days and I shouldn't get cocky and keep trying to push my body too hard and potentially end up setting myself back again. Reflecting back on the past week, and especially the weekend, I have a lot to be happy about. Many of my doubts and mental hang ups about my potential for full recovery were quelled or at least reduced. For the time being, I'm feeling pretty satisfied. I'm hoping this recent upswing is indicative of things to come, and I'll start to really feel like a real runner again. I also hope at some point that my progress will turn exponential and I'll be able to put all this behind me for good, to actually go out for a run where I'm not constantly obsessing over the relative state of my groin and hips. I'm close. I can sense it. 

After a day off today I'll probably resume my 20 minute runs tomorrow (that's what I did yesterday and the day before) and perhaps by the end of the week increase it to 30 minutes if things keep going well. I need to tell myself now that going beyond 30 minutes is not a smart idea this week, and actually write it down to hold myself accountable. See? There it is. If I go above that someone needs to comment and tell me to pull in the reigns. For the time being, at this current moment, I like the idea of feeling my way through the next few weeks--running for time, no heart rate, minimal attention to pace. Not going beyond 30 minutes is a good framework for this week.

I had a dream a couple nights ago where I was running so effortlessly and fast that I was launching into the air and basically flying down the road. I was bounding off curbs and launching myself into the air. It was sort of a combination of Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and Sonic, if video game visuals help you at all. I remember waking up feeling "Yes, now I'm 100% better." Even for that one brief moment (before I realized the true reality of my situation) it was an amazing feeling and something I wish I could easily duplicate. If nothing else the dream might be saying something about a more positive shift in my subconscious. Before this I had mostly been experiencing doctors office dreams where they were telling me how I'll never be the same runner again and I'd need another surgery, blah blah blah. Not many warm fuzzies, lemme tell ya. 

About time for me to get ready for work... That happened quickly... 

Hope everyone has an enjoyable day. 

AH

20 minutes straight up

After my typical dynamic warmup with some hip strengthening stuff, I went out and put together a solid 20 minute effort out on the familiar streets of Portsmouth. I was cruising along at a comfortable 6:45 pace and again felt little to not inhibition in my hips/groin. The little discomfort I felt was more of a tightness on my right side above my hip area that actually felt like more of a cramp than anything. I got back feeling like I hit it just right. I got out there and stressed my system, cardiovascularly and otherwise, enough to feel some real satisfaction and accomplishment. Who would've thought 20 minutes could be so gratifying. 

As the day's gone on I've felt good. Some tightness has crept in but nothing that's felt alarming or painful. Feeling pretty happy about where I'm at. PT again tomorrow morning, which is well timed. I think I'm ready to add a few more exercises onto my routine and keep building up. 

This is my cat Addie. She keeps me company by playfully attacking my limbs while I'm doing all my exercises in the AM. She's a great stretching partner. Love her. 

AH

Slow build

Did a quicker version of my exercises, about 15 minutes because I wasn't feeling super patient this morning and wanted to get outside. I focused more than usual on my right (non-surgical) side, trying to loosen things up with hip flexor stretches and foam rolling. Seemed to help slightly and I headed out and started trotting along. From the beginning I felt pretty darn good and felt very little restriction, if any at all, on my left side. I stopped (planned) twice during the run to do dynamic stretching for both sides to keep anything from getting too tight on me. This seemed to really work well and I started back up on the running segments feeling fresh and limber. In total I did 25 minutes which includes the 60-90 second stretch breaks I took. So almost 20 minutes of running! 

I'm still trying to stay very cautiously optimistic about all of this. In reality, I'm freaking out inside because of how close I seemingly am to a breakthrough. There was a moment out there when I got a tiny little taste of my old self, I felt so fresh and fast and light-- I had to consciously reel back the pace before things got out of hand. In a sense I could even call this run a breakthrough considering the ease and comfort of this run overall. But I've learned through this ordeal that you can't judge anything in running by one good day. The same really goes for anything in life that's worthwhile (if you'll excuse me while I put my philosophical hat on.) It's maddening but really true. I feel awesome, no doubt, but really need to keep myself even if I want to stay on course. 

Random side story: I'm sitting outside writing this post drinking out of an American Odyssey Relay glass. That relay, like Reach the Beach in NH, is a 200ish mile, 12 person relay race. This was from 2012, I think?

I got it, clearly, from running leg 6 of that relay. This was one of the most difficult legs of probably any relay out there. Our relay team consisted of all former Bucknell alumni, which made the whole weekend quite the experience. Anyway, I don't remember the specific details of this leg, and it was certainly no Mt. Washington, but it consisted of at least 3 miles of straight uphill with only one short (~150m) flat section. Super tough, and in a race setting, absolutely the most difficult I've ever experienced. Why do I bring this up? Not sure. The glass memento is incredibly lame, but the memories of the race in a larger sense have stayed with me. Part of me wanted to try posting a picture on the blog for the first time. Part of me is feeling nostalgic of how much fun that race was. I'd love to be competitive in another relay like this one some day. 

Back to reality... I'll keep doing the things that seem to be working for me and hopefully keep this good stuff going. 

AH

Progress?

Quick post today. Went to PT at 7:30 this morning after some light stretching/strengthening exercises on my own. We went pretty aggressively and added more hip mobility stretches with the band. I went out and did a light run of 4 minutes on 1 minute walking for 20 minutes. Gotta say I think this was the best my hip/groin has felt in a while. I was super loose and spry feeling, which was great-- no restriction in my hip flex at all, at least that I noticed.

I'm afraid to even think it, but could this be an indicator of things to come? So many times over the past 11 months I've been disappointed by false peaks and been forced to keep climbing that it's hard to even let my my mind imagine things turning for the better, for good. No way to know yet. On the bright side I've run for the past 3 days in a row, albeit for very short periods of time, very slowly, but this is the kind of thing I need to focus on. Perhaps more importantly I've been diligent with all my exercises and stretches for 3 days in a row. I need to keep this up and hope my body finally responds.

I hope you guys liked that mountain climbing metaphor. I sure enjoy a good metaphor. That was a metaphor, right? I hope so. I did major in English... Ironic, huh? Yeah, sort of. Irony is a tricky one, and people misuse it all the time, including myself probably, which is ironic in itself. Ok now we're getting into that dream within a dream layer. Let's just call this paragraph weird.

AH

Patience

This morning I've managed to shrink virtually all the important stretching and strengthening exercises I've accumulated over the last 10 months into a concise 20-25 minute program. I felt pretty good with the left side today. My right side still sends signals up to my brain in the form of creepily hushed whispers, "hey... you know this is how your left side used to hurt sometimes... I bet you've got some torn tendons in there that nobody, including yourself, ever thought to look for..." I really try to quell those thoughts. I need to concentrate on one thing at a time, and for now that means my surgical side that should supposedly be fixed.

I did some dynamic stretching, had some extra time and was feeling good so I went out and did 15 minutes worth of run/walking. I did 2 minutes of running with 1 minute of walking. It reminded me of doing the run/walk stuff back in March and how optimistic I was feeling then. Some of the same positive feelings came back to me and I didn't care that I was out walking the streets that I'm so accustomed to running. It was almost like I realized during one of those walking breaks I had hit my proverbial "rock bottom," (or at least some form of it) this past weekend and now there's only better things to come. I felt a renewed patience. This might all be a temporary optimism, but there's no telling at this point. I'm gonna roll with it while it's there. Positivity in my running life is wearing thin these days so I better take what I can.

My greatest wish right now is to be able to get out there and enjoy running again and be pain free. I don't care about the competitive side of it anymore. I considered this for a long time last night and literally thought that I would easily trade not going to the Trials for a 100% healthy body right now. Being able to get outside and run and just have fun with it is all I want right now. Mentally I think I've broken down to the point of not caring about competition as much as getting healthy. Granted, these two things should go hand in hand, one after the other, but I think since the surgery my main focus was getting fast again and rebuilding the ideal notion of myself as a competitive runner. I was chasing the lasting feelings I felt during some of my training runs and races last year and wanted to recreate them too quickly.

I don't care about that anymore. I just want to be able to run. Maybe that's where I should have started months ago.

AH

PT recap and some quick thoughts

I had PT again today. I had a different therapist who was more aggressive in stretching and massaging out my hip, which I definitely liked. I'm ready for it. I did some dynamic stretching after the hands on massage and stretching, followed by about 15 minutes on the Alter-G. They love their precious Alter-G, and they should... It probably costs an insane amount of money. I'm also sure it works super well for a lot of people, and most running related injuries. Running on the Alter-G again today made me even more sure that it's not a good thing in my rehab. I'm over it though, the thing doesn't do anything for me. In fact, it brought on soreness that I don't feel while running on the road, at least not right away. Sure I feel some soreness after running outside, but it's certainly not immediate like it was on that machine today. I don't have any desire to get back on it. It's too bad I had to leave after running on the Alter-G, because otherwise I thought it was a very productive session, actually my best yet. I'm just bitter.

Due to the mental hit I took in missing out on that hike last weekend I've been getting lazier with doing the PT exercises I should be doing. I have to buck up and get back on that though. I only have myself to blame for that one. 

AH

Struggles

Ok my #1 goal is for this post to not sound too dramatic or pathetic. Not sure if I have a secondary goal so let's just keep that one in mind for now. This will probably take the cake for the most-bummed-out-post (MBOP) I'll have written since I started this thing, so be forewarned of some possible self loathing. Maybe I'll be able to work through some of the struggles I've been dealing with over the past 24 hours and I'll end up feeling better. 

Yesterday morning I got up early and gathered my things for a hiking trip with my friend Jennings and 5-7 other people. This trip has been in the works for months-- he's getting married in August and this is what some of his friends came up with for a bachelor party and I was stoked for it. The plan was to leave early Saturday morning and drive up to Mt. Adams, hike to the summit and spend the night at one of the cabins up there (Crag or Grey Knob I think), do another short day hike in that area on Sunday, then have people split up and either head back to the cars or spend another night in the mountains at a different camp. I love hiking, especially overnight hikes, but I'm definitely not a good hike planner. From a planning perspective, I'd definitely be riding the coattails of some much more experienced backpackers in the group. But that's beside the point.

Over the past month I've been worried, but maintained a very real confidence that I would be able to do this hike despite the hip/groin pains I continued to experience. I went on a short hike about a month ago and that didn't go very well (needed to turn around after a mile or so), but I was feeling much better overall and only a very small part of me imagined it wouldn't be possible. I continued to feel good about it until the moment I put my pack on with barely anything in it. Right away I felt a very unwelcome strain on both my hips. The way the weight of the pack sat on my hips was the perfect recipe for aggravating my injury. At least while I'm running, I don't feel the pain until afterwards, sometimes not even until the next day. This backpack situation wasn't like that-- this was fairly immediate discomfort. I tested it out by climbing some stairs and walking back down to see if things would get worse, and big surprise, they did. I literally spent hours debating on what to do, obsessing over every possible outcome if I were to go. I considered having other people in the group carry all of my things so I would be pack-less, but this didn't appeal to me for a number of reasons. I hated the idea of needing to turn around in any situation, and at the very least knew that I'd be obsessing over any discomfort for the duration of the trip, which would have huge negative implications on my overall level of joy. Ultimately I think it was the mental side of it that really broke me. Despite the fact that I may have ultimately been able to handle it (nobody knows...) the key was that I didn't have the confidence in my body's ability to do something that would normally be so routine. This reality, no matter how much I tried to weigh the different options, overpowered everything else. There's no way I would be able to do it if I don't have the confidence in the beginning. No amount of mental trickery could get me to spin things around in a more positive light, I just couldn't stop obsessing over the ever haunting strain in my groin and hip. I had to bag it. 

I spent the rest if the night feeling pretty badly for myself. I drank two ciders, watched part of the new Godzilla movie (entertaining, if nothing else) and went to bed. Today (Saturday) has slowly gotten better from the moment I woke up (in a fog). I took a long walk into town and visited the Farmers Market for a burrito and through town for a coffee and started feeling a little more at peace with the reality of my situation. It's cliché to say this, but it is what it is and there's only so much I can do about it right now. Ultimately I know that deep down this is the right decision, it's just unbelievably frustrating when the pains of this injury infest their way into other aspects of my daily life outside of running. Blah. 

I'm not defeated yet. In the grand scheme of things in life this will be a small blip. That doesn't make me feel much better in the moment, but hey. I'll get through it eventually and I'm sure the memories of the past year will seem fond (in a way) as a time when I didn't have to worry about running twice, three times a day, mind and body broken down, barely able to get my shorts off before collapsing into bed, the prospect of running again already looming, no amount of food able to satisfy my needs, training, training, training, unable to even quantify in words the anguish that is the daily grind of that life. 

But what I wouldn't do for that right now....

Cheers,

AH

Running?

It was just too nice out today for me to not run. I went out for a really easy jog around town, no watch, probably about 2.5 miles. I'm glad I did. I have played it conservatively over the last couple weeks and barely run at all. All told its been at least 10 or 11 days since I took a running step. 

I felt good out there, desperately out of shape, but good. My surgical side felt great actually. I was feeling a little more tightness in my opposite side today, so I'll have to work on that. Let me just put it out there on paper (well, digital copy) that my greatest fear at this point is that my right side has required surgery all along, and that its just flown under the radar. Truthfully when this issue first popped up for me I felt similar pain on both sides. As time went by, it was much more obviously on my left, and that became the focus. I know it doesn't do me any good to think about this possibility, but I can't help but let it creep into my mind sometimes. It's very unlikely that it would have been missed. Bi lateral sports hernias in runners must be so rare I shouldn't even consider it. 

Overall it was a positive run, and I'm happy I did it to test the waters a little bit. It'll give me a baseline when I get on the Alter-G. If I can run on that less painfully than I can on the road, then sign me up! I still don't think there will be a noticeable difference though, and it's not like the road felt painful at all. Sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish between discomfort, a lack of fitness, hip weakness, and how all those things work together-- because they must in some way. Fitness wise I feel 100% back to the beginning, so it's not like I'm very strong right now to begin with. That must play a little role in how wobbly and weak my hips feel at times. Not painful, just weak. There's only so much you can do exercise wise to build up that strength. Some of it must be achieved by actually running, right? The little running endurance I had built up before is feeling pretty much gone after that week and a half off. That's ok though. I'm feeling surprisingly upbeat about it. 

I'll see how the rest of the day goes and if it flares up on me at all. If not, then I'll be feeling even better. I'm going on an overnight hike with my friend Jennings and a bunch of other mustachioed dudes for his bachelor party this weekend so hopefully things will hold up and I can try running again early next week. Not kidding about the mustache part.

AH

PT #3 today

Back to PT today. Started off with some similar hands on kind of work with the therapist digging into my hip to loosen things up. Other fun things included "distracting" my joint by using a band to pull my hip laterally while I'm laying down. That part actually felt amazing. She also did some work on my psoas, though she took it pretty easy on me. She was pretty tame compared to when I've had that done in the past. Next time I think I'll ask her about that and get her to push a little harder. 

We also did some basic active stretching. Walking lunges to stretch my hip flexor, leg swings, that kind of thing. Man, it's really tough describing on paper what kinds of things I work on at these appointments. I'm finding myself strugging to find the right words to bring it to life. Maybe I'm just feeling lazy at the moment. I just want to say "yeah she pulled this leg that way and I swung my legs to stretch that muscle, and so yeah everything loosened up by the end and I think I ended up feeling pretty good...." In addition to being way overladen with unnecessary sexual innuendos, a sentence like that, though easy to write, doesn't really say anything about what happened. Doesn't make for very informative reading. Oh well, I hope the descriptions I've given offer enough of an idea about the goal of the appointment, which is still to break up the tightness and scar tissue I've built up. This time we just did a little bit more than this past Friday. This coming Friday I'll add more strengthening exercises; next week I'm going to try running on the Alter-G treadmill. I'm skeptical about that though, I don't think running on the Alter-G will be worth it for me because of the nature of this injury. I've never felt like the pain is impact related, which is what the Alter-G is designed to reduce. I'll have to just see how it goes I guess.

I spent the rest of the day with Ali buying flowers to put in our garden and doing a little cleaning up outside. I'm actually pretty excited about our garden this year. Ali has done most of the work but I still feel some gratification from seeing new buds popping up. Last year we attempted to build a garden on the slanted roof of our last apartment and it was a rip roaring disaster. The sun cooked the hell out of everything and we really didn't have the right pots for everything anyway. We have some carrots and peas poking up now which is already better than last year. Nice!

(Don't worry, this won't turn into a gardening blog)

AH

My blog in Seacoast Sunday

Almost forgot! My blog was mentioned and profiled briefly in Seacost Sunday yesterday. Check it out below. 

http://t.seacoastonline.com/article/20150502/SPORTS/150509847/0/tablet&template=tabletart

AH

Filling the gaps

Haven't been up to much the past few days, at least in terms of running. I've continued to do those PT exercises, and massaging out my scar, but that stuff isn't too exciting. That's for sure. 

My sister Meghan was home visiting this weekend (she moved to Portland, OR, about 8 months ago). I got to spend some time with her on Saturday night and Sunday. Watched the Mayweather/Pac fight at my moms house in Hampton. On Sunday we went on a cruise by the beach in a couple 50cc scooters. We walked out to the water and Meghan rubbed salt water on her face and we sat on the wall for a few minutes before heading back. Ali and I had dinner with her family and our friends Emily, Scott, and their kids Otis and Cora. That was my weekend!

I cranked the crap out of my groin by slipping on this piece of paper at work on Saturday and really wasn't happy about it. Such a little thing, and it's not even like I slipped badly. Just a slight shift the wrong way, unexpectedly, and wham. It was feeling fine but this really hurt it. It was painful for the rest of the day on Saturday but thankfully it feels much better yesterday and today. I'm headed back to PT tomorrow. I find myself thinking about PT as some kind of cure all, like a magician is going to poke around my hips and everything will be all better. Sadly, I know that's not the case, but that's how my mind thinks about it. It gives me structure and something to look forward to. Without that, I'd be obsessively thinking about how much time I have until February and how far I have to go still. PT breaks that time into smaller parts. 

AH